Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
Yesterday started in shambles. I did not get much sleep the night before and I did not want to go to church, I just wanted to sleep. I knew that was my inner demons trying to separate me from the body of the church. I will say they almost won but I just got up and said “I know I will feel better when I go”. Yet I did not feel better – I was surrounded by all my demons – sadness, loneliness, depression, pain. Once I got to church I was rushed and did not get a moment to breathe. I sat down and felt so alone in a room full of people who love and care for me. Pastor was talking about Joy and how we receive Joy. That is a feeling that has been absent in my life. Pastor touched on this passage:
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.
“Because you trust in him” Pastor went on to focus that in order to trust in someone you must have a relationship with them and to be present. I keep asking for God to fill me with the light and love. Yet I am full of pain and despair as a close friend pointed out. How am I to be filled with life if I am full of darkness. And that Joy will come if I put my complete trust in him. This was hard for me to digest. I left church rocked and I did not feel I had an outlet to share.
Later on a good friend checked in with me and I ended up visiting her. She and I talked about my concerns and feelings and she showed me this video:
After watching it, shedding a few tears I am read to say:
I release myself to him to chisel me in his image and to walk with me. I am nothing without your love and grace and I wholeheartedly trust you will not give me anything I can not handle.
I am the kind of person I need someone to tell me the best way to pray, believe and act as Jesus. I have asked several many of my friends in my prayer groups how to do this and they all say to read my bible and be willing to accept the holy spirit. I was sad there was no plan, to do list, step by step list. One friend told me to watch “Just Tell Me what to do” by Judah Smith and I think everyone who is learning to walk with Jesus or is walking with him should watch this!
Watch the video here: https://vimeo.com/74075657
There are no steps to finding god. We need to just need to TRUST Jesus and recline into him.
At the church I have been attending they have service on both Wednesday and Sundays. On Wednesday’s we have prayer time where we are able to sit with others or walk and pray. During this time I have learned much about others and about myself. After the prayer time we have Worship with song and I love that time. Which is then followed by a service or smaller prayer circles. I am planning to share my thoughts from the night and my favourite song from the evening.
Song of the Service:
The theme of the service was: Jesus is Ultimate. It is part of a series from Jesus is _______, by Judha Smith. The Youth Pastor led the discussion and he is compassionate. He talked about God and Satan and how Jesus already won the battle. He won the battle when he lived and did not die on the cross. He also discussed that we need to live to be like god. That yes we will sin but that we are not only sin. This resonated with me as I am new to Christianity and I have had several troubles these past few weeks. It seems the more I let Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit into my life as I walk the path – more sin and threat is thrown at me. I have found that I have a new set of answers for such indiscretions that have come my way. I have stumbled and fallen in the past weeks yet I still know that I am loved and he will continue to protect me with his grace during this path.
Do you ever stumble in your faith? How do you handle it?
Corinthians 2 6:14-18 (NLT)
14. Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can
righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live
with darkness? 15. What harmony can there be between Christ
and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?
This is something I have been toying with for the duration of my current walk with God. I have been in a relationship for four plus years and my partner is completely faithless. He grew up in a Catholic family and he did not have a good relationship with it growing up and thus he has push all thoughts of god and faith out. He is not opposed to my interest in finding faith. He says he supports my choices although I am not sure.
I used my YouVersion Bible and searched the NLT for “partner” and this was one of the passages that hit me. It asks all the same questions I am feeling. The answer to the situation in the bible is to separate yourself from the unbelievers.